The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
