That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
