The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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