If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize