I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
