I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
