Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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