I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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