I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
