Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
