even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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