I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
