What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
