I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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