He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
