Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
