in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
