Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
