so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
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