in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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