we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
