was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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