I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
