Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
