apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
