.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
