Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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