Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
how drunk are you?
Several
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
