if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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