So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's never too late to be topless.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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