Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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