Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
