guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
So. Much. Porn.
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