I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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