Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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