I saw his package. It spoke to me.
two words: eviction party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
