Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
