i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you would pick up someone in the library
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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