I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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