This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
50% drunk capacity currently
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
