You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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