How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Randomize
