She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
