i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
