when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
