he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
