carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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