What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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