I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
