I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
