I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Semen is not good for contacts.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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