So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
