She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
