yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Still dying that you shit outside
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
