Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
