I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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