We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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