my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
