so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
