Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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