A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize