he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
