TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
