420 ftw
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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